[tarotwolf]

I'm a huge vampire fan. Saddly, I find it difficult to write vampire stories because so many stories, good and bad, have been done about them. I know there are fresh vampire ideas out there, just none in here (points to my head).

Others have noted on some of the technical stuff (which is not my strongest suit anyway) so I'll just share my thoughts on the story itself.

This story races through from start to end. There's no mystery, no real horror (even the emotional horror of finding out her brother was the killer was just glazed over) and no surpise. Take some time with the story. Build on the loss Helen feels over her brother. Maybe even find certain clues that trigger the PTSD of losing her brother. I think that might be the trick to making this more interesting.