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Old 14-12-2007, 05:14 AM
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Re: Waking of the Dead God

A very enjoyable read. Rhyme was quite good; very free-flowing and unforced. Imagery and word choice were also very striking. Well done! My one problem would be, as pointed out by DarkPower, the flow. It seemed a little off at points. One line was too short compared to others, or too long to create that perfect rhythm. Nothing major, just a minor bump here and there that could use a little revision. Other than that, amazing work. Thanks for writing, and I look forward to seeing more from you!
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The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
-Carl Sandburg
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