[Corneac]

Woot. You're really good at these streams of consciousness, you have an ease with description and poetic prose...does that make sense? It speaks to you. Ambiguous enough for the reader to draw something from it, but a strength that maintains the metaphor and your original meaning. Rather beautiful - simples, poetic, dripping with ideas, emotion - I loved it mate. Keep this up...and yeah, go with Bri's idea. Challenge yourself. By the way, good way to start off a piece like this...fragmented, choppy snatches, something different...grabs you right away. Well done.