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You can learn much, watching people when they think they’re alone.
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How about replacing the comma with a "by"?
Just out of curiosity, any reason Mother is capitalized?
Quote:
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He thinks that even though it’s a war zone, that the desert is actually a beautiful place.
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The second that is a grammatical error.
Quote:
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You can learn much, watching people when they think they’re alone.
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Yet again, comma vs "by"
Now the piece itself:
I like the idea of it. Very very nicely written. The only thing that confused me a bit was why the sniper seems to have a telepathic connection with the man he's about to kill. With the refrains of "I am as God made me" changing into "I am not as God made me", I feel like the main character is the sniper. Yet, you write in such a way that I feel like I'm empathizing with the victim, with sentences like "Just then, he smiles; he figures it all out. The World, the War, his very existence."
This sentence I felt was your most powerful sentence, and it's dedicated to the victim. So now I'm really confused as to who the "hero" of this otherwise wonderfully written piece is.