Quote:
Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen
The poem itself is a beauty, but I am not fond of your use of punctuation personally. The way you begin and end each stanza really turns my eyes off continue, seems like an end before a beginning. Also, I tend to use italics rather than ( ) as a second voice, something more pleasing to my eyes and it does not impede the flow but rather easily allows the reader to adjust to the change. These are all personal preferences to me, and the way I like to read things but just minor observations. Grammatically and content wise I really have nothing negative to say, you captured and carried through the idea flawlessly in my opinion. Great to have you around and again, welcome.
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The use of punctuation is crucial to this poem. If I cut it down or changed it, I think it would change the flow and feel of the poem negatively. I put a lot of thought into the placement of each piece of punctuation so it makes sense and contributes to meaning.
I would choose against using italics in a poem because italics is not meant to be used for "second voice" in any poetry I've read. It's not an accepted way of indicating such a shift in this medium, so I think it would distract the reader. The parenthesis and dashes are used (with one exception) in the way they should be grammatically used.
Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated.
