[LullabyHearts]

You can call me Peter, it’s not my real name. But can you just call me it.

I would combine these two sentence and consider a semi colon.
"You can call me Peter; its not my real name, but you can just call me it"
And take out "just"

Imagine me if you must as somone you once knew, or somone you liked. or better yet imagine me as you.

You mispelled "someone"

And a small little tip to help you with your writing in the near future: capitalization is key. Gives your reader's

more respect for you. Although in this day and age, with instant messaging, I can understand how hard it can be to

break from those habits when writing.

now I must warn you much of this story has been changed to protect the Innocent and the guilty so it is not

the whole truth of this story.

Wondering, since you capitalized "Innocent" did you want to capitalize "guilty" or if your emphasizing, possibly

italics? Also comma after guilty would help the flow of this sentence and break it up.

the real story is to terryfying and blood thursty to tell.

Thirsty.

Nice place; waterfalls, beaches and rivers, you name it.

Comma after beaches. And hypen instead of comma after rivers.

I was top of my class at Hedge Rock I liked writing stories alot.

Two seperate thoughts. Divide up.

I was chasing our dog Max nasty little dog that one.

Comma after Max

For a minute I thought of just letting him go but then J thought of what I would do when I got home with no

Max.

Oops. Random J.

My farther would ask where he is. and wow it would gp down well if i said to him.

Just change that "p" to an "o" and you have "go"

"oh i let him jump over the wall into the frobidden forest dad." so I decided to follow him.

Forbidden.

I jumped over the wall and ran into the foest after him. As soon as I steped into that forest my life changed

forever. Max had stopped behind a bush. "come here boy" I said as I walked over to him. I got to him and nearly

vomitted. There was a dead body of a man wearning black coverd in blood from head to toe.

Forest. Stepped. Wearing. Covered.

I grabbed Max and ran home to tell My mother and farther. It took the ambulance an hour to arrive. in that

single hour my mind wandered. I had convided myself that the man was murderd though the doctor concluded that

nothing else was possible exsept suicide. The minute i had seen that dead man. the detective in me was born.

No need to capitalize, "my" in the first sentence. "convided?" I'm not sure if this is a typo or just a word I have

no clue of. You misspelled murdered. And you misspelled except. And combine the last two sentence in this paragraph.

I spat it I walked out of the house and on to the beach 3 houses ahead of us.

This sentence is awkward in the beginning, I think your forgetting a word or two.

While I was at the beach I had a huge about what I wanted to do in my future.

Once again, I'm not sure what your trying to say, a huge what? Confusing.

My dream was to become a detective but my farther forbid it.

Oops and add "R" to father. Don't worry, I make that mistake all the time. And you do it several times.

My farther didn't say anything he just stood there staring at me with a angry exspession on his face.

You forgot the "n" in "an"

2 years later i got back from university. I told my parents I had made it through the course I was doing and

that I would try out for the police force in 2 weeks. The 2 weeks passed by in a flash and I tryed out for the

police force. I got in. they said I was perfect for the job and that my 1st day was that coming monday.

Woah there is a big time hop in a very short time period.

I 1st assiment was to go with a swat team to arrest this woman witch had brocken the law by sneaking drugs

into her car and when the police caught her she had driven away as fast as she could in her car.

My first assingment was to go with a swat team to arrest this woman, which had broken the law, by sneaking dugs into

her car. And when the police caught her, she had drove away as fast as chould.
---Also, isn't that a pretty quick? Do people really get that nice of an assignment to begin with?

Well, okay here is my opinion. You have a great story started here. It should could use some editting. Especially in

the grammar department. An I think it would help if you spent some time describing a lot more. It really helps lead

up to the rest of the story. Especially describing life during those two years and two weeks.

Good luck. I hope to read your new draft!