[Wordsmyth]

grabbed Max and ran home to tell my mother and farther. It took the ambulance an hour to arrive. In that single hour my mind wandered. I had convinced myself that the man was murdered though the doctor concluded that nothing else was possible except suicide. The minute I had seen that dead man. The detective in me was born.

With so many periods this paragraph flowed like someone learing to drive a stick shift and not being able to figure out the clutch. Rephrase it and see if you can make it flow better

While I was at the beach I had a huge about what I wanted to do in my future.


I spat it I walked out of the house and on to the beach 3 houses ahead of us.

With these 2 sentences my only thoughts were huh?

On my 18th birthday I told my mother and farther that i was going to [COLOR=blue! important]university. My mother was proud. My farther didn't say anything he just stood there staring at me with a angry expression on his face. I left the next day for university.

2 years later I got back from university. I told my parents I had made it through the [COLOR=blue! important]course

I was doing and that I would try out for the police force in 2 weeks. The 2 weeks passed by in a flash and I tried out for the police force. I got in. they said I was perfect for the job and that my 1st day was that coming Monday.

My 1st day came and I was ready for it. Tall and strong. My 1st assailment was to go with a swat team to arrest this woman witch had Brocken the law by sneaking drugs into her car and when the police caught her she had driven away as fast as she could in her car. They had tracked her down. And it was my job to capture and arrest her. She had taken hostages. The swat team managed to get them out before any unrepairable damage was done to them.

Eventfully we got the girl and arrested her. And according to the chief of police at our station Max Stanford. I had done such a great assailment with this that I would be promoted to detective. I was overjoyed my dream had come true.

But being promoted to detective was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Because for my 1st assailment of being detective i got the Sherry Francis case

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Moved way too quick here.

And that is where this story begins. It all went down from there.

That’s when it all went wrong

You said the same thing twice.

hey everybody I think I fixed up every mistake in the story. Please have a look and see if there all fixed up.
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May want to go back and re-read it one more time. If you need some help with anything there are plenty of people here willing to give it. PM me if you want. Try to give the editors a break. They're busy, busy people and do a hell of a job.


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