[Maud]

Its been so wrong since I reviewed something, so forgive me if I am rusty.

The first thing I noticed, was the choice between bold and italic type. So I took the bold to mean emphasis when I read it. With the italicized portion and the bold you did get the definite transition of the knocking, but with evey thing else without punctuation or break it went all to fast. Your rhythm did not fit your meaning and words.

The content potion of your poem left me disappointed. It was all to rushed with the flow good, but as I said rhythm was displeasing. I didn't feel comfortable reading it, it was forced and artificial. You could have used more punctuation and shorter segments to build rhythm, or increasing longer segments with increasingly less punctuation to build momentum, or a mix of the two build both momentum and rythem. You did neither.

Yet the "..." to support your use of repitition. The thought patter after each "Knock..." makes a action reaction type feeling, which was quite effective. There is two knocks however that are left blank, which were disappointing, because this was another prime opportunity to build momentum. Diction, rhythm, and syntax should have become more simple and frustrated so that a more definite and dramatic climax could exist. The sweet release line would have been more effective as it would bring us down after that high.

I like this entrapment of your thought process as you write. It seems though that it seems less frantic and more static. You build such a great foundation, repition of knock, contrasting font usage breaks through punctuation. But these little asides in the first couple stanzas are such poison. When ever you do an aside or a reaction in a poem or story to something happening in your poem or story, you start over. You take the reader out of the environment and begin building a new one for them. This simply doesn't work here. You try to build tension, but then let us hide in these reactions. Don't give us an out, make us need to continue.

I know I have been critical, a rare thing on this site, so let me say I did enjoy this poem, but next time, read the words without thought of their meaning so you can just examine the sound of your work, and you will have some phenomenal stuff! Remember poetry's beauty is not in the words you use but how you use them