Re: The Chosen One: Darkness Returns (Chapters 2-9)
I am posting my comments/suggestions at the end of this post…
1.You could have spread out the chapter and not condensed chapters 2-9. That’s too much for just one read. You need to give the reader time to adjust to what he or she is reading.
2.As much difficulties that I have with tenses, you should return and correct your errors.
3.Watch your spacing.
4.I think you should add more action than you have of dialogue. But this is only my thought.
I’m holding off my judgment on this for now. Hopefully you will return to correct the errors.
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?
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