Quote:
Originally Posted by Pule
Kaia opened her eyes. In front of her lay a hellish landscape of burning sands, molten lava, and black-red clouds shrouding the sky above.
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I really like the imagary here. creates a intense picture of a rocky, bare, black and red landscape. All that had been once beautiful now a ravished, rugged landscape that holds no beauty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pule
Boraku, the rock mage accompanying Kaia on her journey, winced as he stepped from the protection of the Shield. Kaia's Shield protected them, but the altered landscape left little rock, and most of it was buried deep down or molten. He felt like his power had been drained from him. But still, the rock was there; if he needed it he could summon it.
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I was a bit confused here, isn't molten, still rock when in a hardened form?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pule
Boraku jumped out of the way and launched a rock at the creature. It turned and deflected it with an arcing kick.
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isn't the word arching ? never mind your right, i looked it up!
Quote:
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"What? That's not your fault! You were trying to sustain the wait of both of us with just wind,
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I think you mean weight, not wait.
Anyways fairly good read. I don't really have time right now to finish commenting on the rest. enjoy to the next part * and hopefully I will have time to comment on the rest )