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Re: Archie Andrews and the End of Reality
Very descriptive, I like the repetition for "two weeks ago" but I think I found a mistake:
the ends of his mouth curling in amusement at my obvious discomfort, And I knew that whatever had gone wrong with my life. He was somehow involved.
Here's a correction:
the ends of his mouth curling in amusement at my obvious discomfort; and/then I knew that whatever had gone wrong with my life, he was somehow involved.
I suggested 'then' because if you read the passage aloud with 'then' in it, it could be an alternative. I think it would work better putting emphasis on it. All in all, good story beginning; 9.5/10.
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