I like the originality of this piece. I mean you used common terms like Knight and King and whatnot, but so many times, as writers in a fantasy setting, we use orcs, nymphs etc etc.
So I would encourage the originality when writing the next chapter.
Some things I think would help this chapter is tightening up your wording. Evrvight said the rhythm didn't feel quite right, and I'd have to agree. It was a bit jarring at times.
I think that's because I had to reread a few parts because of awkward wording. Also, there was times when names like Ravenwood forest was used quite a bit in a short span of the story. That always breaks up a otherwise smooth read.
Just so you have an idea of what I'm talking about
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Quote:
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We've arrived in Ravenswood on the 5th day of December, most of the area is covered in snow as a thick cloud of darkness and gray cast upon the lands.
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after "December" put a period or semicolon, because both are sentences in an of themselves. Also, "most of the area is covered in snow
with a thick cloud of darkness..." I'd use with because with "as" I'm looking for something like: snow as thick as a castle wall. Maybe that's just me though.
Quote:
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Something's telling me that this exploration will be a faulty one, as I look into the eyes of even the most bravest of our groups and still I see fear, which we have plenty to dread as even the new species we've discovered look like they've been breed to live in a hell as this one.
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"... will be a faulty one
; for, as I look into the..." Make that a sentence and turn the rest into another sentence(s): as I look into the eyes of even the bravest of men, I still see fear. I do not fault them; for, it is not ill placed. Every new species we discover looks like it has been breed to live in the bowels of hell.
If you can go back and catch things like that. It will really help the flow and be more attractive to the reader.
You have the interesting cargo a reader is after, just lay a smooth track for it to be delivered on.