[Verbalcody]

***Warning - Explicit Language***

One Man's Bad Experience. With Milk.

"Fuck."

"Rough day, Pal?"

"Rough day. You ever been to Mighty Max's Mini Mart?"

"Cant say that I have, buddy"

"Well, you ever been married to a fucking bitch whore?"

"sure, pal"

"Well you're halfway to a bad day, everyday right there."

"Why don't you lay it on me"

"Well this fucking bitch, she goes to the grocery store every week. I work mind you.
I work and she goes to the grocery store. She goes to this grocery store EVERY
fucking week."

"Right, a grocery store."

"Right. EVERY week. I mean we have two kids and we eat the same shit every day.
Every day these two kids eat two bowls of cereal, and every day she has a big
glass of milk. I don't drink milk because I'm lactose intolerant. You know
what that's like?"

"No, not really no."

"well it's fucking intolerable. Anyway, this bitch has her glass of milk and I
don't have any. So its two bowls and one glass of milk every fucking day. It's
mathematics, right?"

"Mathematics?"

"Right. So unless this whore is bringing home some guy to fuck while I'm out at
work and this guy loves a tall cold glass of milk after a good fuck, then every week
we should consume the same amount of fucking milk. There's no one else drinking
the stuff. So you'd imagine she could keep on top of this situation with some
basic fucking mathematics."

"But she ran out of milk."

"She ran out of fucking milk. So I come home from work, and I'm about to grab a beer
from the fridge. I have to drink beer you see because I'm lactose intolerant, but that's
besides the point today, there is no fucking milk anyway. So I'm opening my beer and
this bitch she says to me 'we have no milk' and I'm thinking how is that fucking possible,
didn't you do your groceries this week? Well of course she did because the money is gone
so I guess she has mismanaged the milk this week and on account of she cant drive because,
one she's a fucking awful driver and two she's got no licence because she's a fucking
awful driver, guess who has to go to the store and get the god damned milk because
these kids are too stupid to drive and too picky to go without eating"

"you?"

"Me. So here I am at Mighty Max's Mini Mart and the place smells like it looks and it
looks like shit but its closer than the grocery store and fuck if I'm going to stand
in line anyway. So I head over to the fridge and low and behold its my lucky fucking
day there's one box of milk left."

"Just one?"

"Yeah just one box. And so I reach out to grab it and this is where the story gets fucked.
I reach out to touch this one box of milk and I sort of have to recoil my hand. There's
some ill omen around this box of milk"

"How do you mean ill omen, buddy"

"I mean you ever reach your hand inside the shitter because something was stuck down there?"

"Yeah I have"

"Well it feels like that, except more mystical."

"Mystical?"

"Fucking right. Mystical. I don't know what it is about this fucking milk, but I have
the feeling something bad is going to happen if I buy it. Like something awful
is inside this one lone box of milk."

"You ever get that feeling before?"

"Never in my life. So I look around and theres this guy next to me and he's looking
at eggs and all the sudden I'm looking at him and he's looking at me and he's holding
his eggs and I have this fucking box of milk in my hands and I want to ask him
what he thinks about everything but he just goes and pays for his eggs and fucks
off to make an omlette."

"So, did you put the milk back?"

"I thought about it, but then I thought this is the last fucking box of milk and I'm
not going anywhere else. But then what if, Ya know, Something terrible happens?
Then all of the sudden this kid bumps into me."

"What did he do?"

"He distracted me from thinking about my fucking milk is what he did. Then he buys
something and he fucks off too and I'm alone with my milk again."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow. Well damned if I don't take that milk up to the counter. It's just
me and the clerk left in the store and I'm not expecting much from a clerk and
sure enough he's a real ugly fucker and he's got something red stuck on his
cheek. Like some candy or something. So he's some kind of half asleep slob
gatekeeper who holds the answer to the most important question in the world."

"What did you ask him"

"I asked him 'what do you think about this milk'."

"And?"

"And he said 'it's two percent'. I guess he's not very mystical."

"I guess. So what did you do?"

"I bought the fucking milk. I bought it, and I brought it home. I gave it to my wife
and she said thank you and tried to kiss me and then she put it in the fridge."

"She never tried it?"

"I told you, two bowls and one glass. This all happens in the morning."

"So until tomorrow then, buddy?"

"If I'm still alive."