[Ambrose]

Hmm... dunno about this one allo. It's pretty cryptic and I don't really like how stilted and la-di-da everything sounds. That said, the writing is fine for the most part but I there were a couple things that stuck out like sore thumbs:

I first have to write another story -- the one that fills my days and my energies, and the one I cannot, must not tell.

I get that the narrator is hesitant to tell his story, so why not say "the one I am reluctant to tell" rather than "cannot, must not tell" which seems to be in glaring contradiction to the first part of the sentence.

I find myself in Ireland at the urging of my sons, who have prodded me to this place with facile arguments.

Facile arguments? This is pretty vague. Might want to explain this a little better.

Do I sound as if I’m bragging? Accruing pathetically the glories of the past, like Daughters of the Mayflower?

This sort of came out of left field. The only thing the narrator said that could be called bragging is that he owned a four story house in a nice location. Is this really necessary to say?


Remember this: I am an Irish immigrant, three generations removed, and I haven’t purchased with my time and life the means to return.

Wait, so he's an Irish immigrant who was living elsewhere but decided to move back to Ireland at the impulse of his sons. What do you mean by "I haven't purchased with my time and life the means to return"? Didn't he already go back?

This was the particular hope of my Christian son, whose urgings were the most… shall I say “urgent”?

The expression "shall I say" works better as a rhetorical so drop the ?

I’m told the exercise may prove satisfying, if not satisfactory. Emetic rather than cathartic.

The way this paragraph is structured, I want to tie emetic back to satisfying but I don't think vomiting is satisfying. Perhaps satisfying is not the word you're looking for.

I really get the feeling that you want this to be great but I gotta admit it sounds a little bombastic what with the "I told lies for twenty five years" that didn't have any sort of lead in but was just dropped on the reader. Don't be afraid to be informal. Liven it up a bit, add some more personal touches. I like the part about the narrator finally being to write the way he wants and how he is going to write a whole bunch of "Wes" and "Is", etc. I also really like the quote you threw in there. It helps you nail down what you were describing in the previous paragraph about the obscurity of the law.

Overall, here's what I think: I can tell you have the makings of a writer. You want the words to overflow with voice. But something I think its important not to force that voice, use language/structure purposely for the point of making it sound like you have a voice. I read sons and I really enjoyed it (I'm pretty sure this is the preface to it, right?). I would try to get back to that casual but smart way of writing that was in sons and let go of the rigid, in your face sentences.