[Vince]

1.

"they" is unnecessary here.

After a long discussion, killed.

2.

Since you put it in quotes, it looks like "Shut up!" is the sound your alarm clock ... at least, that's how it appears to me on first reading it.

You are right. By that moment I hadn't decided whether I would use quotes. Since I didn't, you're right. Quotres killed.

3.

hmm.. "killing" to me is not the best term you can use to describe this. Also another suggestion... If you're aiming at humour here, instead of using "thing", you can use something more flowery... "Every morning, that little nefarious contraption woke me up, jarring me out of my wonderful world of dreams. This morning, I had been swimming in an ocean, before I was suddenly awakend by its sinister beeps.", for example.

Everyone should have realised by the time he finishes reading the piece, that I intend on using a simple, minimalistic style, both because I think it fits the story and because I don't really have the skills to expand into descriptions.

4.

Since you started this story in a simple past tense, this sentence will end up disagreeing with that tense. The best way to write this will be - "Since I had moved into this new apartment, I have regularly dreamed of oceans -- oceans of milk, whales in the ocean, etc. My life is an ocean..." Also notice how I split up the sentences. The reason I split it up here is because when you start saying "My life is...", it's a new thought. It's no longer a description of your dreams, but a new philosophical, deep thought.

The story really bends grammar. I use both present and past tense as I use both first and second POV. It's a hybrid that aims at making the text more direct to the reader. I think I can leave that way and get away with it. Still if I'm overdoing it, lemme know.

5.

When talking about animals/fish, the general rule is not to apply any gender. Instead of "he", the correct pronoun to use would be "it

I tried to get away with it, though I knew it was wrong, cause to me it does sound right. A shark is always male to me. But yeah, I'm not gonna defedn that choice. Changed to "it".

6.

Firstly, money is always singular. It should be "the money is good". Secondly, I think the rule when using a semi-colon is to use it as you would use a period. So, the part that comes after it should be a sentence-structure, more or less. To correct it, you can add a "he" right after the semicolon. Also, in the next sentence, starting it with Because doesn't seem to fit, somehow. You can use "Apparently" instead, which will imply that money is the most important thing at 50 according to your dad, not you.

Both editing advice taken care of. You're right on both.

7.

apply seems to be a better word to use here rather than go. Or you can even say "hold true" instead of "go" or "apply".

Same here. Though I do like how "go" sound, I changed to "apply".

8.

This sentence seems to be a little incomplete. To make it a little more complete, you can add a "just like" after the comma... "You know, just like the little kids who..." And even then, it still appears to be a bit of a continuation of the previous sentence, so I recommend you join it to that, either by using a comma or a dash.

Added the "just like" part and added a comma.

9.

I think you should put a period or SOMETHING before "Then you laugh..."

It has a period. The previous sentence is a quote and ends with an exclamation mark. Do I get something wrong?

10.

I think you should be a little more specific about the applications... what kind of applications? I know the answer is college applications (or is it?), but to make it quicker for your reader, you should probably be a little more specific.

Again, trying to be direct here. The character (me), doesn't explain all details cause it's like talking to himself, he know what he means. And I think it is clear I mean college/university applications.

Overall, thanks for the editing advice, and hope there are more, just one thing to say.

As I've said the character has a weird dialogue/monologue with himself/reader. It's deliberately absurd. That's why the title is [sic] after all. Hope you get what I mean. Thanks again