I tipped my head back;looking at the ceiling(you need a space here.
What about saying
…took one more drag then flicked the cigarette…?
7:28:any minute now(you need a space after8)
If it was “cold, so cold” then wouldn’t it transition from colder to freezing?
;That would be…(that would be…)
I would switch to the limousine pulling up first then have the sniper look through his scope. If the driver has arrived then so too would have his client?
…first-This was my chance.(first-this was my chance.)
…where the suitcase laid; quickly,
What about
Quote:
|
…I could hear distance screaming sirens approaching as I opened the door.?
|
Missed a space after
…Finding a 12 pack of bud…
Another rewrite wouldn’t be so bad throwing action first then dialogue…I found this to be an interesting read, not boring, not necessarily original either, still entertaining.