[Razor]

I realize this story has been combed through quite a bit, and you've probably moved on, so instead of nick-picking I'll just give an overview.

First of all. I like the shield and the six elements theme. (to me at least) This is an original theme. Okay, so maybe not the six elements as much, but remember no nick-picking.

My criticism, this hits me as a rough draft...an outline of a novel. The characters are bland. They don't jump out at me. If someone asked a reader to describe the personality of one of the main characters, the reader (if they are paying attention) should be able to describe in a few sentences at the minimum, what the character is like. I'm not sure I could do that.

Like Kaia is a young girl who lost her parents, grieves over them, but seems to forget about them when she finds out she can use magic.

What I want to know is: Is she sassy, is she carefree, is she serious all the time, is she upbeat, is she shy, is she curious, is she cautious, is she wild, is she naive, is she always riddle with anxiety, does she have a confidence problem...etc etc.

Knowing those things really brings the character to life. Its like...well I don't remember which post it was without going back and looking, anyways, adding little sentences before and after dialog can really give incite into a character's personality.

Also, dialog itself can define a character. Some of your dialog is just to the point and doesn't reflect the personality of your characters. Take what you want to say and then put in the words of the character saying it.

My reason for this, think about characters from your favorite books. You love to read about them because of their personalities (btw its okay to put in a very "unique" character to break up an otherwise "normal" cast of characters).. and the story, but you already have an intriguing story.

Despite everything I've said. I really did enjoy this story. I mean I had to, otherwise I wouldn't have finished it. I see potential here, and I hope you bring it out.

Also, the comment about this being a rough outline isn't necessarily a criticism. I try to write long storys (novels) but I get too hung up on filling in every chapter and I forget ideas I had for future chapters. Sometimes I grow tired of it and when I come back I can't remember what I had instore for the rest of the story.

What you have here is fine; just add more flesh to the bones and this will be come an amazing story. Great job.