What about
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…Tristan picked up an action figure looked(looking) at it fondly then placed back down.?
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(Just because one assumes that when you pick something up, you are using one’s own hand(s).
What about
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…His eyes weighed down with the heaviness of sleep.?
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What about
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…As he awoke memories of his childhood still plagued his mind.?
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I wouldn’t say
…He had darker skin back then and a thick Italian accent. Just say…
His skin was darker then and he had a stronger Italian accent.?
Why not say
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…The mugger accepted it, but behind him someone yelled, “Police stop!” The assailant or robber reached deep inside his cheap black coat…?
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You need a space between
“him dead.” Then capitalize
Tristan. Say…Tristan didn’t fall on his own accord…Actually that sentence is a bit awkward.
What about
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…He ran in there shutting the door behind him.?
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Would weapons require “deadly skill?” Wouldn’t be precise skill or handling?
What about
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…Tristan thought of the hatred he had for that mugger, the (something) addict.?
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What about…The walls of crimson smeared/washed/dripped of dark blood as the animals seemed to glare at him.?
Wouldn’t a comma be warranted here because you are separating two thoughts? After tiring himself out, new feelings set in. (The sentence itself still seems awkward.)
What about
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…Depression and remorse washed over him/drowned him as he remembered his abandoned wife and infant child.?
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There should be a space between that paragraph and the following
…and surrounded him.Out of the darkness…
Other words for darkness, dimness, dusk, murkiness possibly vagueness.
What about
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…it had no definite features but a human contour.?
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Wouldn’t it be
Quote:
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…the sheet shaping itself into this figure.?
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What about
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…It(As) it extended its hand this creature lashed out at him, Tristan ducked to avoid contact.?
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What about
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…He leaped over this fiend, his left foot brushing the brink of its darkness. A bottomless pit swirled/formed under its feet sucking the floor of this room in.?
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As one is running from
“fear” or
“darkness” would the description of a rug be relevant?
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…this sight was behind a doorway with the door open.?
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This seems a bit awkward.
It should be…
A Latin phrase with no meaning/significance to him.?
That's a very long sentence of (for me personally) awkward speech.
A bit vague and rushed for me, but with an interesting underline plot.