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Now, this is speech, so you don't really have to change it, but I think the sentence should be "You'll struggle to find a job, and when you do, it's not gonna be like the Hollywood movies you watch on Saturday nights."
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Heh you already know I'm stubborn to change my sentences, so now that it's not nesseccary I won't.
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Grammatically, you're supposed to have faith in someone.
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Yeah, yeah ok.
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I like that line. Make a kid or two, lol! Nicely done.
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I'm you like it.
I meant to write "We had a talk, me and my dad." so "we" is me and my dad.
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If you're implying that the house belonged to both your parents instead of only one, you should put the apostrophe after the 's'... I moved out of my parents' house.
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A mistake here from me. I meant "parents' ".
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Now the story. You've got my interest. Now you've set me up to see what this apparently 'failure' is about to make with his life. What I liked about this story is your extremely personal touch. You've taken elements of your own life and given them to your main character, which probably made it easier for you to type.
I also liked how you give emphasis to what your sentences look and sound like. Apart from me, on this site, I think you're the only person who does that. You like the SOUND and the EFFECT of phrasing sentences in a particular way, whereas quite a few others just look for grammatical perfection, big words, etc. I'm not sure if a few others will understand what this paragraph means, but I'm pretty sure you do.
Having said that however, I have to state that you really have to take care of your grammar at the same time.
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He's not gonna make a "failure", as you mean it. I'm working on part two, so you will see what I mean. As for the sound and effect, yeah I do. I'm guilty here, I prefer a sentence to sound well than to be grammatical correct. You know why. Especially in this piece, it's a character speaking. Doesn't everyone make mistakes when speaking? It adds to the authenticity and hepls the story be more direct.
Thanks a lot for your precious editing advice and for the time you have put on this. (or is it "in this"? see what I mean?
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