I think…The top of each bosom was…
Did you intend…and sucked impatiently.?(you have a period before “and.”
What about…
Quote:
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as my life anxiously flowed between her warm lips. ?
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I think you mean…
Quote:
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I will free you of your earthly bound restraints.?
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Possibly take out "bound."
A very interesting story. There could be more extended details and dialogue. But a very fascinating story.