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Old 03-03-2008, 06:25 AM
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xtremelady xtremelady is offline
Mrs. Laughs a lot
 
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Re: FALLEN ANGEL (a story with not a werewolf or vampire in sight!)

Just a thought; might not want to start the first chapter with a term none musically minded ppl might stumble over. Changing this just slightly – starting with Dan Henderson....with “I need...following would have flowed better for me.

Characters; excellent, you brought the characters to life through many effective forms – eyes of others – the scene/environment – their relationships and actions also.

Description; excellent, I got a good idea of environment. I loved how your wording brought out the magic of the music/guitar, and how you used it so that their talent could be identified through it too. You brought this element to life beautifully.

Plot; at this point well defined...the stage has been set, main character introduced as well as threads pointing towards possible conflicts to arise. Waiting to see where you are going to take this story from here...(but will admit I get an impression the ending may not be altogether a happy one) I will just have to wait and find out if this is so or not....

Great style and delivery – enjoyed reading Rick.
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Time; an elusive element to a creative mind. For the story burns to be expressed, flooding the mind, seeking an outlet. Red brimmed eyes and dark circles fore-tells a deeper story, echoed in a mirrors reflection. - my story.
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