It’s not bad too be deeply involved in something that you love, but just try and show some variety. Like me(lol) Please forgive some of my suggestions/thoughts I have never written or read such a musical creation before. But I throughly* enjoyed the details.
*If it’s the guitar he is using now then shouldn’t it be…I’m gonna come up there and wrap this fucking guitar around your pencil neck!?
Love the “smart ass dialogue.” A**hole! Motherf*cker.
I’m not shy about writing out the words, just lazy, sorry.
Shouldn’t be
“Arizona Tunes?”
What about saying…
Quote:
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It was magic, a great time to be young.?
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What about…
Quote:
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Shaggin’ groupies in the back of that old van.?
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How important are “roadies?” Why not say…
Quote:
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Culligan dispatched a roadie to fetch a stool.?
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Are you asking a question?
Quote:
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If the recording rig is set up and ready to go?
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What about…
Quote:
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Some roadie arrived(returned) with a stool...?
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Just for my “own” curiosity, how would he have guessed Eurasian heritage?
Did you intend
“still” I’d have chosen her.?
I wouldn’t have said “She set down,” what about…
Quote:
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She dropped her case and rushed…?
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I think you intended a comma? …
Quote:
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driving rockers and delicate ballads alike, drifted across the Riverbend complex.?
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Quote:
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Okay-something mellow now.,
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(which one?)
You’re saying “arena” too much, why not try stadium?
What about…
Quote:
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this is my big chance, your big break.?
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Or...
Much enjoyed the “side effects situation.”
What about…
Quote:
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when he was stable or sober, no one could beat him at bottleneck slide guitar.?
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A very adventurous/trippy story so far. Just don’t delve into the sexual so much to take away from the heart of the story.
For an individual rating for this chapter is 3/5!