Was the spacing intentional in the fourth paragraph?
I much appreciate the bolding of your introduction/first chapter.
If this bar is going to play a major role within your story, might I suggest…
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It was the brightest point(spot) on the radar of Hollywood’s social elite.?
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You need a space after…
Did you want
“Perfect” to follow
“Desperation?” In the same sentence? If not then you need another space after desperation.
“And thermo-nuclear-watchamacallit video.” Shouldn’t “and” be capitalized?
Here too…
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And she has the pics with her.?
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A very interesting story. I hope that you will be showing more of the characters.