Thread: Touched
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Old 05-03-2008, 12:26 PM
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RENA HANDS RENA HANDS is offline
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Thumbs down Re: Touched

Nothing ruins a story than bad spacing. You need to watch that!

What is the Hill? If it’s a specific location then I think you should capitalize it.

I think your tense is wrong. Are we in the present or the past?

Your introduction could be more detailed to show a more “delirious state” of mind.

What about saying…Ok, the melody has stopped/ceased? And what kind of tune is it? What is the musical instrument being used to execute this sound? Even though you have told me it's a violin you could still add words illustrating the type of sound being made.

Not certain, but I think Fayre Folk should be capitalized.

I want much more detail on the village, the woods, the character who is speaking. Details. Details. Details. And some dialogue wouldn’t hurt the story either.
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?


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