Re: Rachel's Special Rain
What about switching “excitedly?” …as she excitedly stared at the jar of special rain.?
“Why,…I wonder whatcould be?” The “what could,” should be separated.
Wow! I was completely in suspense about “green rain,” then you hit me with the “radioactive fluid,” brilliant. The suspense was well executed.
If you ever decide to extend the story not that you have too, you could say something like…children were pointing at the neon glowing ooze whispering some running up pointing wanting to touch the gel. Mention something of the teachers too. Just my thoughts…
__________________
Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?
|