Re: [sic] - Part I
Army should be capitalized, I think.
For more ‘dramatics’ and these are only my thoughts…You are in bed so why not toss and turn as he shifts to thoughts of his ‘life?’ Grumble and ruffle the sheets as he refers back to conversations with dad. Have the alarm go off during the ‘time schedule’ of college pursuits. More shrugs and feet flopping as he looks forward to what life ‘might’ have in ready for him. Also why not describe what these ‘buddies” look like? What are they doing or not? You could have illustrated a quick example of success/failure of Hollywood directors.
I will not give my thoughts completely on this until I’ve finished this story.
Remembering the ‘shark,’ I would have like to seen a particular scene perhaps of his hunt. His station inside the vast ocean of predators. Don’t shark travel in groups or pairs?
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?
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