I love the plot to this story, but a little more detail could do, like when you describe the chamber of the Queen, so you could go from:
Quote:
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The messenger opened his eyes and pushed up the doors, revealing a long hallway of guards standing on both sides of large pillars and the queen at the very end of the hall.
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To something like,
The messenger opened his eyes and pushed open the doors, revealing a long hallway, filled with iron-clad guards and glossy marble pillars. The Queen sat atop her throne at the end of the hallway, dressed in royal red robes.
Also, a little more detail about the Undead other than the fact that they are undead and that they are invading kingdoms.
Otherwise, this story is great and with a little sculpting could be a published book that I will enjoy some day. It also will be better with more chapters, so you can explain more of the backstory.