[Nupur]

Firstly, thanks for the comment. I was waiting for you to see this.

My words fail to escape from the cold lips of an unknown soul.

My subject here is lost. He doesn’t know what life has in store for him. Mentally he’s in a terrible condition. He has changed a lot now, so much that his own body has become foreign to him. That’s what I meant by ‘unknown soul’.

I am inhuman; my ambitions are entwined with the seething glory.

Killed.

It mocks me; I turn.

Seething glory. I’m trying to portray a change in Gurdit (er…’my subject’ sounds a little weird. ). Earlier he loved this girl and was happy with her. Due to some reason, he’s dying. He’s in a state of deep turmoil. I’ll try to rephrase that sentence if it isn’t clear… but not now, because, well, I’m lazy.

The reach of a soul that has lost its master, misplaced its guide.

You’re right, sourliver. (For all those who aren't familiar with the word, this is a term of endearment.)

I wipe away the wisps of flakes from my tainted skin and climb the steps to hell. I resist the desperation to give my life a last glance and climb downward.

Duh! You caught me here! Long story though…

Earlier I had written this such that hell was high above, like heaven. But later on I got feedback from someone (your online ‘dad’), and he said that hell should be down. In many cultures, it’s beneath the earth, and not ‘above’. I changed it in a few places, but didn’t really bother to go through the entire thing again to check for inconsistencies. I apologize for that. My fault.

...where I left her wounded in the heart.

Wound does not always mean a physical injury. It can mean an injury to the feelings too. For more information look at this.

The binding gloom of impending disaster flushes my pale skin and I stand.

Typo. Corrected, thanks.

a simple thing as love.

‘as’ seemed to flow better. So ellipsis killed. Thanks. (GRR Damn you for making me kill my beloved ellipsis! No kiss for you tonight…kidding hehe)

I refute the claim to desire and run down the stairs in a whirlwind of fury, anger and disappointment which tarnish my soul

He denies the desire to stay there with his beloved and runs down the steps to hell. Because he’s denying himself something that would bring a lot of joy to him, he’s furious. And this fury tarnishes his soul. I better rephrase that.

---- will stop here for the night.

Ha! Now I’m going push you to complete your critique tomorrow!

Thanks a ton for the incredibly useful feedback. Personally, I don’t like this particular SoC too much, but now with your comments, I’m going to improve upon it. Thank you!

*big hug*