Whoa,I agree with EternalPen. What's up with that first paragraph? Do you have a fixation with men, Steph? ^_^ Okay, small editing thing:
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I knew there was a rally going on, but I assumed it was on the far side of the north campus, that’s where all protest, rallies are located.
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Bit of a run-on. Maybe a semicolon or dash after campus instead of a comma, and no comma after protest. Sorry, couldn't resist. ^_^
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Everyone was getting hyped up just because others were hyped up
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My only real problem with this one is the dialogue. I really like what you're saying politically, but the way the characters speak to each other sometimes has me scratching my head going, 'huh'? Would you really say "just because others were hyped up"? Wouldn't you say "just because everyone else was getting hyped up" or something like that? Not overall, but just in those certain spots, it sounds kind of unnatural, very english-papery. And, yes, I guess it is an english paper, so that kind of makes sense...^_^
Overall, I really like it. You did something political! ^_^ It's great that you're trying out new stuff and doing so well with it! Yay, Steph!