View Single Post
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 19-03-2008, 11:29 PM
WorldWarCheese WorldWarCheese is offline
Banned!
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Worcester, MA USA
Posts: 739
Total Points: 2,015.67
WorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary memberWorldWarCheese is an Honorary member
Send a message via AIM to WorldWarCheese
Re: Density: The girl who could, even when everyone said she couldn't Chapter 1

Quote:
workhouse doctor and legendary drunkard
I'd laugh at the proposed irony if it wasn't so close to the truth. One of the jobs with the highest alcoholism rate is being a doctor. The stress is immense.

^ MAJOR downer

Quote:
and partly because she didn’t have a penis.
I laughed. Hard. This was easily the best line.

Quote:
And so it was that the doctor, in his alcohol-riddled state, put down the name the girl would live with the rest of her life: Density Barton
Funny, because I like puns but I feel that it was a weak punch line.

Overall, try harder to flesh out stories. You seem to have a sense (at least a little) for the ironic and I like that. Make me laugh more. Oh, go read my stories now.
Reply With Quote