Pretty good story. Really descriptive. There were a few mistakes i would like to point out though...
Quote:
|
That would be nice I thought to myself.
|
im pretty sure that your suppost to have a comma between
nice and
I...This is another one...
Quote:
|
all I had to do was get the hell out of here...
|
You changed your tense. It should be
there not
here.
That is really all the mistakes i found. Overall, good story. Hope you right more about this. It will make a good series.