This is brilliant. You've captured all events exceptionally well. The language has a lot of slang, and that kind of adds to the story and develops the narrator's character. The writing was weak in a couple of places and I stumbled through those parts, but I saw that as a way of developing your character. He speaks like that. That's the way he behaves, and it all adds to his personality. Very well developed story.
Just a few little things:
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I think only Gregor Samsa had a worse day then I did.
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THAN
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I was told it was something you got used to, and in all honestly, I adapted.
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I was told it was something you got used to, and in all honestly, I HAD adapted.
This sounds better.
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Like I said, people lying dead in the road. Troops running through the streets.
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Combine the two sentences; maybe add a comma instead of a period.
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The deathly chatter of machine guns, calling to one another like lovers who couldn’t stand being apart.
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This is brilliant! The contradiction you've potrayed is amazing. Machine guns, i.e., violence on one hand and lovers on the other. It fits brilliantly.
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A few of the guys sat on their helmets looking but not reading at their paper.
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This seems a little oddly phrased. Just a suggestion:
A few of the guys sat on their helmets, looking at the paper but not reading it.
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Some frowned of furrowed their brow as they went over their death documents.
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Some frowned AND furrowed…?
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The feeling that tomorrow, you might be like ___ of the countless morose shells that were left of past people.
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Did you miss a word here?
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“Don’t worry, I here the Arabs kill the callow guys the quickest.”
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HEAR?
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Something about people screaming and firing weapons makes the fiery machine inside of you start to burn deep inside your stomach, its wheels and levers opening the cage that held the most deadly arsenal in the military - yourself.
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Terrific line!
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You close your eyes between shots, and you open them a different person. The person who has to be shot at to wake up.
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Odd phrasing again. A suggestion:
You close your eyes between shots, and you open them as a different person, the person who has to be shot in order to be woken up.
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Apart from all that, I truly loved it. The voice of narration is outstanding. And you have a really strong ending in here. The entire concluding part was truly the highlight.
Brilliant work!