[Ambrose]

Some things I liked..

The sunshine seemed to act as natural disinhibitor to people and as such, they were far more interesting to watch on days like this.

I could just see people shuffling around with their hands glued to their face from the glare. I got kick out of it.

The sign itself strangely was readable only from the inside as he could not understand the point of, having paid the money for the transfer to be made and put on his door, that he himself shouldn’t be able to see it.

I thought this was pretty funny too. He's a real ego this guy? Or perhaps just self-involved...

The chair set for the client was much smaller and lower than his chair – this then meaning he would always tower above his clients. Also the client's chair had no arms, making them sit in a rather subordinate pose.

I like how Tom clever devises way to make himself feel good about himself with regard to others.

“I believe Mr. Lane that it may be due to the fact that the painting was stolen on the 24th December 1936, some 71 years ago.”

Hmmmm... intriguing!

Some things I didn't like...

The way you talk about his acute sweating problem and then go nowhere with it. If you're going to make that big a deal about his perspiration then make it have a point. Otherwise it just sounds glaringly sensationalistic.

I also didn't like how the story wandered for awhile, with you giving overt author commentary throughout. It disrupted the feel of the story in my mind. Try keeping it closer to the character, his actions and his thoughts, rather than your own.

And finally, I wonder what the deal was with the time 12:24. Seeing as this is Chapter 1, I imagine you have more explaining to do. In any case, I thought it was slightly weird that the exact time the lady came into his office should have been marked and stowed away in Tom's mind. You did hint that he looks at the clock a lot though, so perhaps it makes since that the time would seem significant to him for no good reason.