It’s a pet peeve of mine, but when you speak or write about time could you actually write out
12:24 as opposed to
12.24? It looks improper.
Quote:
|
,the intense heat flushes(or heat flashes? )that were the…?
|
Why would you add a period after
Mr. Lane in the last five paragraphs/sentence but not before in the previous writings?
For me, the action(s) and description(s) were a bit rushed. You don’t really give time for the reader to digest what you are illustrating.
You are going some where with Mr. Lane’s perspiration problem? You could possibly write a past event with the time of 12:24 being significantly important to Mr. Lane. Describe why it makes him feel so uncomfortable. Years and years or days and days of 12:24 and what happened?