[RENA HANDS]

What about saying…Now! (Then show some movement of Taz).

You’ll love it!

(Then more movement).

What about saying…

When I reached the bottom of the trunk,

(and possibly show some imagery of this tree).

Are you combining these two sentences…

I closed my eyes

I found myself

… if so then the spacing is off.

I think one (!) would be enough to show whatever purpose the (!) serves. But don’t worry about it either too much, many writers do it.

I think it should be…You’re welcome and not (Your welcome).

What about saying to eliminate so many ‘ANDs,'

He patted my back in unfamiliar manner; chills were sent down my spine so I pulled back and sat on the edge of the cliff. Once more the beauty, marvel of my twinkling, shining friends

(Or something similar to show at one moment she is surprised by Taz, but even more she is in awe of her friends).

What about combining…

In an exhausted state or dazed state; I stretched out my arms and yawned.

(Took a few words, but added consider it or not).

Possibly show more actions of Taz as she explains he doesn’t need to follow her home?

Possibly describe the variations of ‘screech’ as the prey finds its way into the owl’s stomach? Also you showed that Zuby ‘shuddered’ so show why the screams distracted.

Possibly…

I heard Taz as he followed me home under the birch trees?

Do nymphs mutter in this instance, why not say ‘whisper’ and show the leaves, branches swaying as her voice travels outward.

Possibly…

I returned to (my) birch tree and turned over a rock that (concealed) my snake-like tunnel to our home.?

Who else lives in this tree?

You are describing a ‘cobra sliding into a tunnel,’ then show sounds of a shimmering/constricting body(in this case her wings gliding against the inner core of the tunnel, splintering, falling debris).

Possibly rewrite the whole ‘sleep scene’ starting first with her walking in on Roc and Kay slumbering in one corner. Robin where he siestas with an abandoned area that shows signs of your position there. Then illustrate as you move towards your bed, Robin sleeping with her hair clinging to her face?

You missed an ending quote after ‘Both.’

What are Father and Mother doing exactly because you could show more action and dialogue, interrupting dialogue between them and Zuby?

What were Makaust and Crapoke doing that humans might be doing?

Why does suddenly being human matter?

I think you mean…

Robin (interjected) into Father(‘s) nonsensical droning by saying, ?

You mentioned earlier or referred back to Makust’s relationship with Crapoke so would they really just be ‘cute together?’ Perhaps a little bit more on the ‘intimate?’

You could describe in more detail why it’s a ‘wild ride’ through the veins of the tree. Then the harshness of fall onto the cold, coarse…something ground.

Possibly show or later show more about these ‘wood nymphs.’ And their individual or grouped personalities. Show also the variety of the physical features of these ‘wood nymphs.’

To take away from the ‘ending’ bold…This is just a little of my story,…I thought it was a part of the original write. And yes, this story makes for a very interesting read. I will rate the whole after you have written out its middle and end.