What about saying…
saga, epic, chronicle or narrative in place of the second ‘tale?’
I think you should capitalize
King.
Also possibly restate by saying…
Quote:
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There once was a King of massive lands ?
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Quote:
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he had Death nearly by his hands.
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(*Capitalize Death in this instance).
Does it change the rhyme/count if I suggest…
Quote:
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knowing his time was dear. ?
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(*If so then disregard my suggestion).
Possibly
‘ill’ instead of ‘sick.’
Quote:
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…what is this you may ask.
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I think...
Quote:
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What is this you may ask?
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Can a day be
‘handsome?’ What about marvelous, splendid or beautiful day?
What about saying…
Quote:
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we’ll reunite with many smiles ?
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What about saying…
Quote:
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each searching every town and city, ?
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What about...the eldest(find some other word)
Quote:
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…the mature and adolescent purchasing many cloths without humility. ?
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For dramatics, why not add…
Quote:
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found nothing so fine under the baking sun. ?
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(*Take out enough because you have mentioned ‘fine’).
I think you mean…
This Elf just appeared suddenly?
I wouldn’t say
Quote:
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…Our sir(,) Prince, his heart did not sink.
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Rather…Our (dearest) Prince, his heart did not sink. ?
Again…
Quote:
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My father, the (great) King has set me out ?
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What about…
Quote:
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My good Elf, I fear that my brothers have found such a cloth not like any other. ?
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You are beginning speech so,
What about…
Quote:
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it may appear only as rags, but it will pay out in the end. ?
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Capitalize Prince.
Possibly...
Quote:
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So the juvenile Prince returned home to his father ?
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You mean…
Quote:
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yearning to see if he was the better.
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To completely change the scenery…
Quote:
Triumphant, the Princes returned home,
it was an empire much like ancient Rome. ?
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Or something relating to a lavishly well established Roman home.
I would strongly suggest giving all three Princes an individual name.
Are you certain of
‘tether,’ is it not to join(v), tie, bind or secure?
What about…
Quote:
No, my father, no need to ring(!)
it lies(lays) in my pocket,
very close to my heart, as if a (sacred) locket,
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Watch your capitalizations.
The sentence about the
Elfin cloth renowned, seems awkward, maybe it’s just me. ?
(You) did well
What about saying
What about…
Quote:
Later that day, the King was laid to rest
the middle brother would rule his best ?
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What about…
Quote:
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His brothers assisted when they could,
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Quote:
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he made many pacts with his Elfin friend. ?
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(Still a bit awkward, but you can work that).
I much enjoyed the ‘moral lesson,’ behind this delightful tale.
I rate 3/5!