Excellent Kyrielle, Eadha! You took the usual refrain a step forward by beginning the third line of each stanza with the same word. You managed to that beautifully. It wasn't looking repetitive, in fact, it enhanced the message you're trying to get across.
Quote:
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E'en if I stole you from above.
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Quote:
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You're mine! Come with me neath the foam.
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Although I guess you did this because of the syllable count, the two shortened words look very good. My only suggestion is to add an apostrophe before 'neath'.
Overall I felt this was very well done.
