You started extremely strong so why not keep with it?
Quote:
Stay out of my head(!)
Stop interrupting my thoughts(!)
Don’t be the (ONE) I think about
When nobody’s around(!)
(Depart from) my heart,
You cause great pains
That stabs deep into my skin or (That pierces my skin)
Like freezing (drizzling) rain(!)
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*I assume you are keeping with a particular rhyme, many apologies but I can’t think of more…However, I will state
Quote:
Cease, to be the ONE(!)
You don’t want me
I shall run from you,
And never look back(!)
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I thought the imagery was extremely powerful, but your words were a bit lacking and repeating. Though you are ‘keeping’ with rhyme I think other synonyms would have been more appropriate.