I would like to see a better description of this
‘overweight cop.’
Did you mean…
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think they are(all) smart because they have a(n) education, ?
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I understand that you are illustrating just dialogue here, but the vocabulary could be more intense also to fit the situation here.
Why not show the young ‘punk’ screaming, kicking ‘fighting the Man’ as he is being shoved into the cell?
Should it not be…
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let me…)
An upset cop would actually take the time to ‘suggest silence?’
Are you missing quotations around
This sentence about Victor and luxury to father…is a bit awkward.
Should it not be…
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He raised the end pitch of his sentence. ?
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Possibly change the comma to semicolon here…
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could be a series of things; the man in the back alley, those four women or that one deal. ?
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The arrest did not take place on the same day as his return to the dorm. This seems particular.
There could be more dialogue among the protestors.
It should be
‘you’re’…
You’re out.
The whole story is very curious, the execution not so great. The dialogue, choppy. So the punctuation. And I think you’re jumping around with the verbs. I will rate this 2/5!