"Sexy". That's a word that's very often underused when we write reviews because we want to write reviews in formal words, words that show that we know what we're talking about, that give our reviews some credibility or the countenance of intellect. But fuck it. The first word that really came into my head when I finished it was "sexy", and that's exactly what I think of this.
It's a wonderful concept. I love how you worked the maze into the story and then you kept the solution from us till the end. I also like how the protagonist becomes a hero, somewhat gradually. This is really like a diamond in the dirt. What you need to do is find a fabric and polish this up.
The fabric must be made of the following:
- Tense - I strongly recommend you change this into past tense. Some stories are very well said in the present tense, but in this case, your story spans several weeks (months?) and I think it would read better in past tense.
- Grammar/Spelling/Typo - You've not made a lot of mistakes, but if you read it again, I think you might be able to spot some areas you can definitely point out an error.
- Punctuation - I think you should get acquainted with my good friend, the semi-colon. I find it one of the most underused punctuation symbols in English and I don't know why. I can see quite a few areas where you can use this. Use it when you want to write a continuation or a natural progression of a thought, but it doesn't make much sense to continue in the same sentence.
- Where should it end? - Now, I hesitate to use the cliche, but I'll say it anyway. I could easily describe this story as "slick". But to keep it that way, I highly recommend you end it much much before where you're ending it right now. You can keep the police in if you really want, but me, I'd end this story right when the student takes off his shirt; then, he collapses to the floor, exhausted and hears the sound of police sirens in the background. The end. Anyway, even if you don't like a semi-cliffhanger type of thing, I still very highly recommend you remove the questions at the end. Instead of making your story look slick, it reminds me of those movies which leave you with this kind of a question just so they can make a sequel.
All in all, an excellent concept, Razor. I'll make it a point to read more of your work. And also, I'm very forgetful. So in case I forget, please don't hestitate to let me know if you're written something I ought to read. You can also add me up on your MSN Messenger or Yahoo Messenger list if you want. Cya.
PS:
I think it should be "Recurrence".