That sounds awkward.
Oh, and how do you hug "thug style"?
Quote:
|
that separated you from who you were as an individual to who you could be with a family
|
Again, awkward. Separate you from who you are? Then taking who you are and splitting that in two? That's either a triple split or your wording got confused.
Try:
that separated who you were as an individual to who you were in the family or something along those lines.
Quote:
|
"The difference between you and I is that you're the one on the ground begging for your life, and I'm the one holding the gun."
|
I thing "The difference between you and I is, I didn't drop the flag."
Flag seems weird, bandanna or do-rag or something sounds more gang-y. Flag sounds like Halo.
Also, African-American is nice and all, but to make me believe I'm in the mind of a thug you really gotta use the n-word.
Anyhoo, it was pretty good. I'm still confused as fuck from the synopsis tho'.