['Ginnis]

So I printed the first to sections out and read them at school (who needs Pre-Calc anyways?) and made comments along the way...and then lost my copies...so here goes a general review thus far.

I love your characterization of Karen up to this point. There's a cynicism about her that you communicate quite wonderfully. She's not a flat character, and her angles show really well especially when we get to see into her mind. The sarcastic line about children, her self conscious approach to her body, her attitude...it's all really well done.

I'm kind of confused by your choice in voice though. You're using a lot of what seems to be unnecessary passive voice. It's kind of bothersome as I read, but at the same time I'm intrigued. It gives the story a sort of feeling like it's being told over a campfire in true horror fashion, it's almost written as if it's being spoken (almost). I'm not quite sure whether that's what you're going for but yeah...lot's of passive voice.

The horror aspect to this point is well done. I'm trying to figure out whether it's pushing borderline cliche. You mentioned Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and while that makes the scenario slightly more real because it's something we can relate to, you also set another example that kind of leaves the reader going "well, if this has already been thought up before...". It's just a thought, and I don't know how it ends so I can't really give a full opinion there. More on that later.

Looking forward to finishing.