Thread: Explicit [PICK] Guarding Terra
View Single Post
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 19-12-2008, 04:43 PM
Beagle's Avatar
Beagle Beagle is offline
Valued Reader
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: UK/US
Posts: 84
Beagle makes sure newbies feel at homeBeagle makes sure newbies feel at homeBeagle makes sure newbies feel at homeBeagle makes sure newbies feel at homeBeagle makes sure newbies feel at homeBeagle makes sure newbies feel at home
Points: 2,957.00
Bank: 1,417.48
Total Points: 4,374.48
Re: Guarding Terra

Quote:
The wicker loveseat he lounged in, scrounged from a dumpster in nearby Phoenix Bay, protested like a talkative cat as he settled into it.
That's by far the best simile I've come across in a long time.

On a more critical note, I feel your uses of the word 'alien' in the first couple of lines are a bit generic and don't really show the reader what you mean, at least I found it to be that way. Are we supposed to see silver flying saucers and little green men? This becomes clearer later on but you might want to be a bit more imaginative with the initial descriptions.

I love how dangerous and efficiently the CESR-1088/e operates. I was a bit curious as to why it was wolf-shaped when it was of alien origin, did I miss something? In my mind I decided it was because CESR was specifically designed for use on Earth.

Wonderfully written and very engaging all in all.
__________________
Do not lie to the Chair Leg of Truth, for it is wise and terrible.
Reply With Quote