This was certainly quite an entertaining read, m'boy.
The humour didn't quite have me in splits; it was more like dark humour. But that's ok, I rarely ever laugh out loud, especially when reading. When reading humour, I generally like it if it goes a little over the top. This generally did not, and it was more like a satire of the multitude of mediocre novels and storybooks that are released every so often, fantastic tales of teenage heroes riding dragons and what not.
Also, as I said during the editing, I thought a few places needed commas. That could be my personal preference, but I generally write in British English, so I wouldn't put it down to British-vs-American style of writing. In fact, we have a very British member here (Lubesh), who can technically point out everywhere you need to put a comma. But anyway, it's not really a huge deal.
You know what I would have liked? A description of Mr. Simmons. I would have liked to know what he looked like. Was he old or was he young? Did his hair turn white? Was he deathly pale and thing from lack of exercise? Also, I would have liked to know how he ended up in that prison, but that wouldn't be very funny at all, I suppose, unless you can come up with some ingenious way in which publishers trap potential writers.
I liked the bit about the window, especially this part "Just one would do, nothing fancy, even if it looked out directly onto a brick wall, but no." It also ties up the story and concludes it nicely the way it began.