View Single Post
Old 11-01-2006, 01:40 PM
Wordsmyth's Avatar
Wordsmyth Wordsmyth is offline
Shh..I've got a hangover!
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Garland, Texas (Dallas)
Posts: 1,610
Wordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary memberWordsmyth is an Honorary member
Points: 78,695.10
Bank: 468,440.35
Total Points: 547,135.45
You are a treasure, and you make my smile sparkle :) - Venomous Vixen You are forgiven.  I could never stay mad at you long, especially if you keep nibbling on my ear like that... - Venomous Vixen It's my Friday, 4 day weekend.  Can you keep up with me?  ;) - Venomous Vixen Mike- saw you were on. Next time drop a line! :D - Syrah Where oh where have you gotten off to?  I miss you so. - Venomous Vixen 
Send a message via MSN to Wordsmyth Send a message via Yahoo to Wordsmyth
Re: A love that's true

Nice job Stories. You've just about got it. Just a couple of minor things and this will be a perfect sonnet. First,this line is a syllabel short.

Quote:
Your soft touch and everything you do


Can be quickly fixed by placing "that" between everything and you.

Second This line is 3 sylllabels too long :

Quote:
I'll love you into eternity, with all my heart,


Here is a suggestion. "I'll love you forever with all my heart " It doesn't have the punch to it that the yours had but it fits the criteria.


Oh and maybe a comma between now and this in the last line.

Hope that helps. This is coming along to be a really fine poem and I like watching a work in progress by a talent like you. Keep it up.
Reply With Quote