Things I had to edit.....
to
--- change of tenses.
Quote:
|
I was the best so when I was 14 the
|
and
Quote:
|
dumped me deep into the jungle when I was 7.
|
The numerals need to be written out... fourteen, seven...
Quote:
|
The people who found me was assassin.
|
change of tenses and need to change singular assassin to show more than one...
Quote:
|
The people who found me were assassins.
|
Quote:
|
From the age of seven I was trained to be a top assassin. I was the best so when I was fourteen they called me Slasher. Slasher is name given to the best of the group. Fred is my companion and my best friend. He is the only person who knows how painful my life is. He calls me by my real name. In fact he is the only one. All the other assassins calls me Slasher and some called me 'the killing machine'. I really hated it.
|
A lot of changed tenses in this paragraph. Try to make sure you logically use tenses. Very rarely is there a change in tenses in a story and with how you are telling your story, there really shouldn't be any.
Besides that, it has an easy, flowing voice. Language not too elaborate and seems very appropriate for the story it is depicting.