[iyengar]

a few more chnages....

1. "I am nothing like other teenage girls at all" to "i am not at all like other teenage girls"

2. "I was an orphan since birth. My aunt took care of me since. " combine the two sentences, the second one is incomplete. it could read like" i was orphaned at birth and my aunt has from then on taken care of me."

3. a small miss "One of them stupidly suggested to kill and then eat me and of course the others disagreed."

4. "The next morning I walked slowly to the place where my latest murder had occurred, without a reason. There was a huge crowd surrounding the man's body. I had(delete) managed to get past the crowd. Fred was sitting next to the body. My heart ached terribly. I really regretted coming here. The knife that I had used to kill him is was still beside him. I knelt down slowly and picked it up. I stared at it for a moment before I stood up and ran away from the crowd" this paragraph has mix of present and past tenses and should be amended. the possible changes are indicated in bold. another place where tenses are really jumbled is the last paragraph.

5. I would also suggest a little polishing in terms of verb repetition in a single sentence so that the effect of the stroy is more prononced. here's an example " ran away from everyone and ran into the forest." here ran figures in two places, one would have sufficed.

Although the language and style are simple, as expected from a teenage girl who has not attended school, the mistakes outlined above make reading it a trifle difficult. However, the pain and desperation have been captured very well.