[Razor]

Today, today, was Valentine's Day.
Though I must say, I went astray.
The chocolates, the candy, did just dandy.
But me, I was randy, and a bit too handy.
Instead of a kiss, I received a fist.
Oh was she pissed with those flailing wrists.

She spat and cursed, and she swung with her purse.
I'd have been in a hearse if she'd have gotten any worse.
And there I was with my big fat lip, feeling like a total dip.
My pride I comforted while I sipped, a bottle full of enlightening quip.
She was nothing but a batty ole prune, dustier than a worn out broom.
But it didn't help my glumly gloom; without a date I was inevitably doomed.

For, what to do now since I had nothing to plow.
Damned ugly sow, I just threw in the towel.
Beginning to sober, my thoughts became nobler.
I was as low as a cobbler, a beggar, and now a hobbler.
I suppose I was wrong to handle her like King Kong.
It was fine she swatted me like a ping pong...but did she have to kick me in my ding dong?