[Aeli]

Interesting piece. Ditto to the stuff about grammar. Also, you need to work on the voice of this woman. Right now there is something there to spark interest, but not enough to really grab the reader, yet. Try really interrogating your characters, start with the obvious of apperance, favorite clothing etc, then move into absurd details. You don't need to use this details, but I've found that just by knowing them informs the voice of the character. The voice of the character will be much more mutli faceted, and real. I believe that the realer this narrator is, the more disturbing the twist will be in the end.