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Re: My Lilli
Ah, going commando. I see. Well, no I don't. It seems rather counterproductive to me. With this new form, you are forcing couplets into a constantly changing rhythm. It's a bit like downshifting with a little too much clutch. Gets to be bone jarring at times. Your idea is inventive, you have good phrases, and your subject is expressed well. I would have enjoyed it more if it didn't rhyme at all and if the author who wrote didn't look so much like a ghost.
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“It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn”
Victor Frankenstein
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